i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
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We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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