So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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