I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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