I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
the liver wants what the liver wants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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