I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The air was thick with penises
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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