WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
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Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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