PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
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I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
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trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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