you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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