my being single is dangerous.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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