she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize