The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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