Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize