U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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