wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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