I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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