he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
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The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
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I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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