I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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