I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
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This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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