her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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