I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize