no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
