I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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