life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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