You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
