Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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