I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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