oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
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As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
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At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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