why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
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Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
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I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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