youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
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then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
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I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize