If that was your dad, he is hot
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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