I feel like abortions should bother me more
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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