kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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