Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize