Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
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Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
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Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize