i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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