Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
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You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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