You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
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He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
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I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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