Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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