His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
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Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
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We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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