I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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