I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
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I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
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Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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