Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
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Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
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I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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