so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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