I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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