First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
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he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
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The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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