I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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