It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
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My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
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We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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