I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize