nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize