Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
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I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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