like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
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You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
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We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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