I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize